Parents Should Teach Their Children… About Sin and Keeping Themselves Pure

by David Holder

Standing in the checkout lane, four-year-old Blake wanted the gummy bears as much as he had ever wanted anything. He begged to have the candy. Mom said, “No.” He whimpered a little to see if this would do any good. It didn’t. Blake considered throwing a tantrum, but that usually backfired (in a literal sense of the term!). Then it came to him. He could wait until something diverted Mom’s attention, then slip a package of gummy bears into his pocket. No one would ever know.

But someone did know. His mother discovered the crumpled wrapper left in his pocket, and the truth finally emerged. Mom marched Blake to the store with what little money he had and they talked with the store manager. Blake paid for the gummy bears, apologized profusely, and who knows what else happened when they returned home.

This mother was using a real-life experience to teach her son right from wrong, good from bad. Godly parents are intensely concerned to teach these principles to their children, knowing that a child’s wrong behavior will at some point be sin. Teaching children in their formative years about sin includes two fundamental principles to be noted here and then applied.

Good Kids, Bad Behavior

God didn’t create any bad kids. He makes and entrusts every parent with good kids. But good kids learn to do bad things. Left uncorrected and untaught, it doesn’t take long for a good kid to become a “bad kid.” What is intrinsically good becomes corrupted by bad behavior left unchecked (Eph. 4:17-19).

Parents should recognize their children as made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27; 4:1) and given as a gift from Him (Ps. 127:3). As the poster boy or girl says crudely but accurately, “I know I’m somebody, because God don’t make no junk.” This view will help parents promote their children’s self-worth.

Children need to learn to love themselves in a healthy way, so they may learn to love God and others (Matt. 22:39). To build proper self-esteem, parents should carefully distinguish between a child’s person and behavior. The first fundamental working principle is for parents to help children see they are intrinsically good, though their behavior may at times be bad.

I suggest that parents not say, “Bad boy” or “Bad girl,” but use words that affirm a child’s goodness and our love for them while distinguishing their bad behavior. “You are a good boy, but you have done something bad. Because I love you, I will punish your behavior and teach you to behave better.”

Decisions and Actions Have Consequences

A second fundamental working principle is that decisions and actions have consequences. This principle is a component of discipline. Parents who love their children discipline them (Heb. 12:7-8), both instructively and correctively. Instructive discipline is teaching them right from wrong. Corrective

discipline is helping them understand the consequences of wrong decisions and actions. Corrective discipline typically includes inflicting a degree of pain. By means of an unpleasant or painful experience, parents help their children connect actions and consequences. This same principle is employed positively by reinforcing good behavior.

Parents do a grave disservice by not helping children understand that actions have consequences. Nothing I say here should be understood to sanction abusing children, but the Bible teaches that there are circumstances in which the “rod” is useful. The wise sage of Proverbs writes, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently” (13:24). “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him” (22:15; cf. 23:13-14; 29:15).

Most people who object to spanking children refer to the action as “beating.” This is a loaded term that does not properly convey what a parent does who lovingly disciplines with a spanking. This parent is purposefully inflicting a measure of pain to teach a vital lesson: Decisions and actions have consequences; wrong ones have painful consequences. As a child grows, other forms of “pain” are brought to bear.

From employing this vital principle stems the lesson of responsibility. Children learn there are consequences to their actions, that they are responsible and will be held accountable. Is there any principle more fundamental for an effective life and a proper relationship with God?

Parents Should Teach Their Children… About Worship

by B. G. Echols

The purpose of all education is competence. In many fields we may rely on the state. Few Christians, however, would feel comfortable with the state’s teaching of the subjects regarding bringing up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Thus, parents must fulfill their responsibilities, or the children may never learn.

To worship refers to actions by which one expresses his devotion and reverence to God. Worshiping God is specified acts performed with the proper attitude. Thus, the first learning will come to the child by the example of the parents. This example will be reinforced and supplemented by Scriptural teaching.

The importance of worshiping God should be seen in the parent’s diligence. Those who arrange their schedule to be present for every assembly are showing the necessity of worshiping. Parents who compromise and allow special events to interfere, or who plan vacations where it is impossible to worship, have a hard time finding words to overcome their example. Having established the importance of worshiping by their example, parents must then use the Scriptures to show that faithfulness is based on love for God and Christ (John 3:16; 1 Cor. 11:24-25). They can also stress the responsibility they feel toward their brethren (Col. 3:16).

To worship God in truth, we must worship Him in spirit (John 4:24). If the parents get settled and ready to worship before time to begin, a sense of respect is created. They must establish at an early age a standard for the children to follow. Grandparents also need to be careful how they behave toward the grandchildren. They can undo much of what the parents have sought to impress. At early ages children may need quiet toys to occupy them. This should last only until the children can be expected to participate. Young parents have the most difficult time being able to worship and keep their children from disturbing. It is when children are young and have to be taken out that some of the most effective lessons on behavior can be made clear.

Praying to God is seen every day by children of Christians. It is there the child learns his first lesson about prayer. It is impossible to teach about prayer without teaching about God, His care and concern for us, His ability and desire to help us; and our need to give Him thanks for all the things he has given us (Eph. 5:20). When prayers are offered in public, it should be made clear that the man is leading us. Thus, we should listen to every word and join our thoughts to his. The power of prayer, public and private, should be made clear (James 5:16).

Most children love to sing. They join in the singing at an early age. Some hymns regularly used are simple enough for children to learn even before they can read. Parents who sing hymns at home can help their little ones learn the songs. When children are able to read, they should be trained to get their books and sing. It should be made clear that singing is “to the Lord” (Eph. 5:19). While we should do our best,

God’s concern is not how loud or how well we sing, but if we are singing with grace in our hearts (Col. 3:16).

Children must learn that God merits our sacrifice. The work He wants done in the world requires our giving to Him. Since God always gives instructions, he has done so regarding our giving (1 Cor. 16:2; 2 Cor. 9:6-8). As soon as children have any money that is considered theirs, they should be instructed and encouraged to begin giving to God.

It seems the Lord’s Supper is the most intriguing part of the assembly to little children. It is hard for them to grasp the idea of a remembrance. The wise parents may find an explanation suitable for the age of the child while explaining that the parents are giving reverent thought to Christ for what He has done (1 Cor. 11:24-25). To children not responsible, it should be made clear that they have no need to eat, but will when they obey the gospel.

Since children mature differently, it is hard to say when each child should be expected to listen to the readings and sermons, but I fear many parents do not begin soon enough to expect their children to listen. To encourage the children, parents may ask specific questions about the lessons. They should always answer the questions children have. The same stress on learning should be given as was given to Timothy (2 Tim. 3:15).

I have seen babies once brought in their mother’s arms grow to be leaders in all aspects of the assembly. I have seen little girls grow up to become caring and diligent mothers. Sadly, I have seen little ones grow to be of no value to the Lord. Many factors have entered into the decisions these children made. Nevertheless, good parents give their children both good examples and good teaching.

edited, The Preceptor, April 1996